I feel like time is just flying by me.  Everytime I blink, my children have accomplished new or grown another few inches.  Cassidy recently turned ten years old….Caira is getting ready to turn 3 years….what the heck?  I still feel like it was yesterday that I was pregnant and eating Tums every freaking hour.  Now we are trying to toilet train and dealing with prepubescent issues. Oy!

I am not nearly the same person I was even a year ago, much less two or three years ago.  I know we all change but I reflect back on where I was then, and I can’t believe how much anxiety I let impact my life and decisions.  I started running last November in an effort to lose some of the massive baby weight I had acquired over the last 10 years of being pregnant and breastfeeding baby after baby.  Losing over 40 pounds, I can say I have met my weight loss goal.  I feel really good about that…infact I feel really great physically.  In the process of trying to shed that weight, I found a new love for the sport of running.  In the last 3 months, I have participated (and finished) several 5K’s, 10K’s, a ten miler, and TWO Half Marathons (13.1 miles)!!! I definitely enjoy the distance running and have begun training for a full marathon in October.  I simply cannot find words to convey the awesome feeling of pushing yourself that far physically. I can assume that other runners feel this kind of thrill as well…otherwise there wouldn’t be thousands of people running alongside me during these marathons. ;)  Here is a picture taken in March during the Papa John’s Ten Miler.  No…I wasn’t sleeping albeit I was probably looking forward to doing such.

BluegrassMoon has been somewhat dormant over the last year.  Most of my sewing attention has gone towards completing the massive number of custom orders.  I can safely say…I was buried and overwhelmed.  I have one order waiting to be shipped and one more after that to be completed…then I will be done with custom orders.  Possibly forever. ;)  I have drafted quite a few new designs and I am really looking forward to introducing them.  I do feel like the market has changed drastically, since I originally debuted as an artist.  I am not sure if this is a good or bad thing…or where it will take me.  But I am just very grateful to have the opportunity to explore myself artistically…and independently…again.  Once I ship the last order, I will be updating the mailing list.  Probably before summer begins or shortly thereafter.  I am very humbled, thankful and appreciative for the customers that have remained loyal (and patient) while dug myself out of the custom order mess.  My gratitude will come back tenfold…I promise! <wink>

I just shipped off a couple customs and felt compelled to share them!  Right now, I am working on several customs with the end in sight!  I am finishing up my dear friend Morwenna’s order…as well as an appliqued pocket for Jen.  After that I will be finishing two messenger bags that both have the mystical mountain scene with a splash of maternal art.   I try to do my customs two at a time, if possible.  I didn’t plan to do both “Mountain Mama” bags at the same time.  Ironically, it just worked out that way.  I love the way “chance” works!  After the “Mountain Mama” bags are done…there are just a couple more orders to finish and I am 100% completely done with all of my customs.  It feels so good to say that!  I have decided to not make an official announcement…rather just surprise my customers…but I am planning to do a nice stocking in March!  I will also be returning to Necessitae in February for the first stocking.  I am not sure if this constitutes as an “official announcement” albeit it is not intended to.  But obviously, if you are reading this…than you know I will be back in action very soon!  <wink>  I can’t wait to get back into stocking again.  Sewing and stocking at my own pace…and developing all of these wonderful new designs I have.  It will be exciting, at least for me!

Anyway, the picture is of one of my “Namaste’ Bags” using the Heather Ross dandelion fabric.  I have made a couple bags like this one using the same fabric, but this one is by far…my favorite.  I love the decorative stitching on this bag.  I think this is something I will begin to do more often!  I also love the contrasting colors of brown and orange.  This mama should be getting her bag tomorrow…or Thursday at the lastest!

I do realize, it has been an eternity since I have written. I also realize, that is no way to start the New Year. The truth is, I have been so consumed between taking care of my children and finishing up these last custom orders….I have put “internet time” on a back burner. I finally can see light at the end of the tunnel with these custom orders. It’s been two years and I have felt so weighted down by them. I don’t regret them because they have been a pivotal point in my life. I have really learned a hard lesson in accountability and responsibility. Both words get thrown around a lot. You cannot truly be free in your life, if you are not able to back up your actions and own your mistakes. Anyway, I have not done any sewing for my own children or myself in nearly a year. I am craving the freedom to explore my own creativity again. However, until I complete the last of these customs…I won’t work on anything else. I am finally so close to being done…I can see the light! The closer I get, the more motivated I am to get finished. And I am so very grateful for the customers I have, that love and appreciate my art so much they were willing to wait years for me to get to their order. How do you truly express that kind of appreciation? I’m not sure….but I do know that I have some of the most genuine and loving customers out there.

So the last few weeks I have been swamped with family activities. Despite my objections, Cassidy is cheerleading for our Church. Anyone that knows me, also knows that I am not the cheerleader kind. I am NOT saying anything negative about those who are…it’s just I am more of a tomboy. Anyway, she is cheerleading and loving it…so that’s Taxi job #1. Taxi job #2 consist of Micah’s basketball practices…which He is absolutely loving! And Taxi job #3 is driving both kids to choir practice at our church. And in all of that are games and performances, as well as playgroups for the younger two. I really do feel like I don’t stop. Well, honestly…I don’t. My husband leaves for work around 7am….and he gets home somewhere between 8-10pm. He works a second job on the weekend…and gets home from that at 1-2am. So aside from the fact, we NEVER see each other anymore…I have become the equivalent of a single mother. Literally. It’s been a little difficult lately because I am starting to get worn down with it…and naturally I am starting to not feel so positive about it either. Fortunately, I have amazing children…and they keep me going full force. It’s hard to get down when you have a baby that doesn’t stop smiling…or a two year old that spends all day trying to be just like you. My oldest is becoming so mature and helpful…often I don’t feel I am parenting her. And my son, well we have always been tight. He is a true mama’s boy…and has the kindest heart. Reflecting on qualities that I have helped instill in my children,  has become the tread beneath my feet.  I realize I am just one facet of their development.  I see what an impact I have had on their developing personalities….it’s a little hard to take something like that for granted.  So as tired and worn down as I become, they really do keep me moving in a forward momentum with a grateful smile on my face. It’s an amazing ride. Being a mother is so much more than I ever knew it would be. Even in the last year. I wake up each morning assuming I know what we have planned. But the plans never go accordingly because my children have their own way of guiding ME. Isn’t it funny, how little people so small can impact your life in such a big way? I have learned to stop trying to control the little things in life…and take each moment in with a deep breath. Sometimes, I don’t want to exhale. Sometimes, I realize those moments will be gone as soon as I blink…and before me will be a child who has gained a little more wisdom than they had before. It all gets put into perspective when you are watching your child in their own moments, and they look up at you with a silent glance…and you both mutually smile….an unspoken affirmation that you both are just hanging on….enjoying the ride together.

Praise God for our children!

There really are no words to express how dear you are to our lives. You have the sweetest smile and the kindest heart. I am so blessed to be your Mommy…every single morning I’m excited to see your bright and shining face. You have been a true miracle in my life!! Happy Birthday to a very precious child!

I have already received my gift for this Christmas. That gift is my children and every single little whimper and whine that they give. See, several days ago I was really stressed out because Caira wouldn’t stop saying “mommy” over and over 150 times a minute…and Micah was really whiny all day long…and Cassidy had a big bad attitude all day and wouldn’t listen to a thing I said…and Phoenix…well it’s hard to be stressed because of her. She is adorable and SO very sweet…and she has a smile that can light up an entire city. I call her my little sunshine because that is indeed what she is. Anyway, in a matter of seconds, I realized how precious these children are to me…and how blessed I am to be their mother.

I had Caira and Phoenix with me and we are on the way to pick up Cassidy and Micah from school. We had just left a store that was having a sale on Melissa and Doug toys. I was stoked to have gotten the last wooden barn at a steal. It is a Christmas present for Caira and Phoenix but I was excited to have gotten nearly 70% off (yeah consignment!). It was nearing the 5′clock hour so traffic was getting really heavy. We have only had our new van for about two months. It is the first car we have had that our whole family could fit into. Anyway, I was sitting in a parking lot waiting to pull out onto a very busy road (Shelbyville Rd. for you Louisvillians). There was a traffic light about 50 feet from me, so traffic would begin to slow down when the light would turn red. I sat there for two light rotations waiting for a safe moment to pull out. The light had turned red again and as cars were nearing they were beginning to slow down. A car had begun to motion to me that it was safe to pull out. I glanced around the car to make sure the second lane was clear, and I didn’t see a car anywhere near us. So I pulled out onto the busy road and headed right for the median so that I could begin to make my ways over the right way of traffic. I had to slow down as I approached the median because a car had stopped to turn into the parking lot I was coming out of. All of the sudden, I hear a horn blaring and look over to see a car RACING towards me in the lane that had been previously empty. There was nothing I could do. The car was coming at me too fast and the car waiting to turn was in the middle of turning. All I could do was close my eyes. It all seemed to happen in slow motion. I felt the impact on my side. I was thrust to the right and I think my head hit the ceiling first and then the steering wheel. I felt the sharp pull on my chest from where the seat belt locked, but it didn’t keep me from being thrown around. I remember feeling the bottom of the dashboard and steering wheel hit against my knees. And I remember feeling the door hit my arm several times. My glasses were thrown off of my head which sucked because I am legally blind without them. It didn’t matter though, because my eyes were still closed.

All of the sudden, there was a moment of silence. That is when I opened my eyes and realized I couldn’t see anything because I had lost my glasses. Then, all at once I hear Caira begin crying and the lady who hit me screaming hysterically. My ears were ringing so I couldn’t make out what she was screaming. I was frantically looking down at the floor to see if I could find my glasses. I was about to go out of my mind not being able to see if Caira and Phoenix were okay. It was about that time, that I heard Phoenix start crying as well. I remember feeling relief that she was crying…at least that meant she was still alive. I had no idea what condition the car, the kids, the other lady….or anything was in. I couldn’t see anything and for several minutes, I was somewhat disoriented. Panic began to set in because I HAD to see if my babies were okay. I tried to climb out of my seat and I realized I couldn’t. My legs were pinned in beneath the steering wheel where the bottom of the dashboard had been dislodged. So then I began to really panic. I couldn’t move….I couldn’t see …and I couldn’t find my glasses. My babies were both crying and this lady was screaming/crying hysterically. I honestly thought in that moment, I was going to die from panic. I’m not sure what happened next but I remember I had pulled my phone out of my pocket and called 911. Then I called my sister. She worked only blocks from where we were at and I remember thinking that she would help me find my glasses. Sure enough she arrived pretty quickly. And then EMS arrived and helped me get my legs out of the car. Many people had stopped who had seen the accident and offered help. I was grateful for that.

The babies and I were both okay. Aside from some bumps and bruises, all three of us walked away intact. Several people have commented that Phoenix was lucky to alive. She is. Her carseat had been in the direct path of the impact and was thrown sideways. EMS and the insurance adjuster have both commented that her car seat (Britax Marathon) definitely saved her life. I will never underestimate the importance of a safe car seat. It was a blessing that I had not gotten to pick up Cassie and Micah yet. The very back seats were completely uprooted and thrown sideways. You can actually somewhat see that in the pictures below. The floorboards by the drivers side had all come up and my seat had also been yanked sideways. The other driver is okay but had injured her finger (Probably on her airbag). She was having a pretty intense anxiety attack too. In looking at that damage today, I don’t think I have gone more than an hour without thanking God for sparing our lives.

The simple fact is, life is fragile and can be taken from us at any given moment. For every day we complete as parents….for every night we get the privilege of tucking our children into bed….for every morning we get the splendor of seeing their waking faces….IT’S ALL A GIFT! I can’t believe how much I took this for granted. I am ashamed at how misplaced my priorities were on that day. I was stressed at my children’s behavior but excited over obtaining a material object (the wooden barn). I had it all backwards. I should have been humbled by having the opportunity to teach my children different ways to handle their respective struggles. And I never should have been more excited about buying a toy than I was to hear my daughter say “mommy” ten million times. I will never take for granted these small things. And you shouldn’t either. Let yourself love the small things that get under your skin and forget the things that you “can’t take with you” in the end.

I am sharing this experience not for pity or sympathy, but as a potent reminder of how precious our loved ones are in our lives. Sadly, it sometimes takes a wakeup call to realize that the small things that annoy us about loved ones, are gifts in and of themselves. Our van was indeed totaled and we are awaiting the insurance company to tell us how much they will be paying us for a new car. With any luck, it will be enough to replace the van with another car that can transport our entire family at once. Regardless, this Christmas has a lot more meaning this year. My family is together and intact….safe…and sound. I honestly can’t ask for more. I have everything I could possible want, need and desire.

Wow! Our family was hit hard with illness! Caira got a really bad chest cold and it turned into pneumonia. On the heels of recovering from that, she got some kind of flu/virus. Then, of course, Phoenix caught it and was sick with a really high fever for several days. Then, of course, I caught it. Cassie and Micah all had the original chest cold but fortunately now, everyone appears to be on the road to good health again. Jamie never did get sick but he’s never home anymore, so I guess he didn’t get exposed. We don’t get sick very often, so I guess we were all making up for lost time. I didn’t see the outside world for nearly a week…it got depressing after a while.

One thing I did savor, however, was having the chance to cuddle and hold Phoenix. She will turn ONE years old next week (December 20th) and her new found ability to walk and explore the world around her has put a damper on her willingness to be held. She will sit on my lap for a few minutes and then she’s done. Too much to explore! She won’t even cuddle with anyone else so I guess I should consider myself lucky. Jamie always says I don’t realize how lucky I am to stay home with the kids, but I do. I have always said that I have the best job in the entire world. Every day greets me with a new parenting challenge and a whole array of simplistic moments that only a parent can hold close to their heart. As Phoenix prepares to hit the milestone of turning ONE, I have been somewhat nostalgic about how fast the last year has gone by. I am so blessed with such incredible children. And I am even more blessed that each of them are so close to each other. I have watched each of my kids grow in their own special way. Each of them developing in their own little world. And each of them possessing such amazing personalities and imaginations. Lately, I have been pondering as to whether I should start a second blog exclusively for parenting….a way to write down the highlights of each day. It will be no time at all before several more years have passed and I will be writing about how long ago it felt that Phoenix turned one. By the way, this is what Phoenix will be getting for her birthday. She is going to love it, but I suspect Caira will want it for herself.

We have been keeping with holiday traditions and starting some of our own. I hope to share more of these in the coming weeks. Martha Stewart has given us all kinds of neat ideas…we just need more time to implement them! The kids and I are getting ready to make “gingerbread mobiles” using this recipe. I wonder how much of it will get eaten? This picture was the source of my inspiration for this mobile. Micah wants to use snowmen…while Cassidy is determined to use “polar bears”. I will have to post pictures when we get them done!

I was eating a quick lunch and trying to catch up with a few of my favorite blogs when I found some very exciting news!  Anna Maria Horner, a designer for Free Spirit Fabrics amongst other things, is releasing a new fabric line called “Drawing Room“….to be released early 2008.  Why does this excite me?  Because it’s going to be fabric that is home decorating weight.  And again you ask why does this excite me?  Because that is the kind of fabric I prefer to work with when I make my bags.  I thought I was going to spewsh my lunch everywhere I got so excited!

I found the coolest art print today too!  I have a thing for owls so this one is especially exciting!  I don’t typically do Etsy much anymore because it’s starting to explode into another mass market of overnight startup artists, but occasionally you can find some real treasures on there!  Okay, a lot of treasures.  But check this wonderful treasure out!  Oh, how I wish I had the moolah for it!

And one more exciting find!  If you are a fan of Purl Fabrics, than you will appreciate this one!  Purl is offering a 10% discount through December 13th for Decor8 readers.  Go get em’ while the gettin’ is still good!

In other less exciting news, Caira has gotten both Phoenix and I sick.  It takes a lot to stop me dead in my tracks, and that I am.  I am a night owl by nature…my body just can’t sleep before 2am.  The last two nights, however, I have been asleep by midnight.  So here’s to praying for a quick rebound!

Tonight will mark the first night of Chanukkah and we wish you the very best! We celebrate both Chanukkah and Christmas in our home. It’s been a learning experience as anyone in a multi-cultural family would know. This year for Jamie’s birthday, I painted a menorah and had it fired in a kiln. It’s got the Star of David on it with candle holders. It will be nice to finally get to use it!

Caira has been imitating the things I do more and more. When we leave to go pick up Cassie and Micah from school, she grabs her “purse” and her backpack as well as her “baby” and insists on bringing all three with us. And at night, when everyone is settling down into bed, Caira likes to stand at my bathroom sink and brush her teeth over and over again…sometimes we brush together…over and over again. I love watching her grow into such a sweet (but BUSY) little girl! I am really enjoying age 2 this time around.

I truly do have the best job in the entire world!!!

I am working on a custom order right now for a bag made out of African fabrics. It will have an applique of the Goddess Yemaya on it. The inside is full of knitting needle pockets and other knitting goodness. The bag is for a midwife that knits….and has been such a nice change of pace from what I usually get asked to do. Here is the fabric I am using on the inside. It has a Black Corduroy for the outside and it contrasts so nicely with the inside.

I haven’t bought fabric in a long time! My sewing room is overflowing with fabric and as my family has worked so hard to declutter our home and lives, I have begun to appreciate the prints I already have <wink>. So I’ve been on ‘the wagon’ as some people put it. Many moons ago I joined a coop that was going to do a large buy for the new Amy Butler prints. I went in on that with a little birthday money and then totally forgot about it. They arrived last week and they are niiiiiice! So nice! Here is just a sampling of what you will see used for my upcoming February stocking!

I think this is first year in a very long time, that I am feeling festive and inspired by the season. Last year, I had a baby five days before Christmas, so obviously nothing really got done. The year before that, I had just had a baby several months before Christmas so again, nothing really got done. The year before that, I was getting married just days after Christmas, so nothing really got done. Are you seeing a trend here? This year, I have been bitten by the bug….my Christmas tree is up, the decorations outside are close to being finished, and I am on a mission to make my children the stockings they have been asking me to make for years now. We got a live tree this year and the aromatic joy it brings is simply unreal. It was a nice trot down memory lane as I pulled out all the ornaments that mark all the years before this one. I have ornaments dating back all the way to my childhood, infancy to be exact. And the ornaments that my children have collected in their short lives already have significance on our tree. There is a story to tell of each one. Tomorrow I will share some pictures and respective stories.

Caira is very sick so I have spent the day by her bedside, literally. She has pneumonia and a severe ear infection. I had no idea that she was THAT sick. I knew she was pretty sick because she is not a child that ever sits still. But this morning, she lay lethargic on the couch hovering between sleep and a trance-like state. Her fever spiked up to 103 degrees and she vomited several times during the night. I expected to hear she had strep throat or something like that, but her doctor had quick concerns over her lungs and breathing. She may have asthma as her breathing difficulties have been going on for months now. But her doctor ordered several tests all of which confirmed she has pneumonia. The next 48 hours are critical and after that the medications should be working their magic and she. SHOULD be out of the dark. Any prayers you can spare, to lift her up for healing would be appreciated. I’m not used to watching my child lay so lifeless. The most she got excited for today was a glass of “Coke”, which is not something we normally give our children. But this was a treat in many ways today as it was cold and bubbly on her very tender throat/air ways.

I have been asked many times in the last few weeks, when I am going to stock again. You are going to hear it here first. I AM going to stock again. Infact, I am going to stock again on a semi-regular basis. I feel, however, that I need to back up and explain why I won’t be doing custom orders again. Many of you are ‘newer’ customers and haven’t been with me from the start so I don’t want you to think that I am unwilling to work with those who desire my art the most. I do enjoy working with customers very much, but over the last two years I have creatively burned myself out and I am just now finding my way back into the land of inspiration and creativity.

I have spent the last two years untangling myself from the mess of a custom list too long to even fathom created. Partly my fault for under estimating my ability to take on such a commitment. And partly the fault of my old shopping cart, which decided to oversell one dozen bags, three times each. Listening to the mercy pleas for a custom spot instead of a refund, I grew weak in the heart and obliged to start a custom wait list. Never in my wildest dreams did I think it would spiral out of my control. My life became very unpredictable after that with one thing after another and I found myself unable to sew for weeks at at time….causing me to stay up and pull all nighters to catch up….causing me to burn out….causing me to lose the ability to sew for myself and my children out of the respect and need to finish these orders….it’s been a unstoppable snowball effect. In the end, what was best for my family and myself was to cancel the custom list and refund everyone on it. I have attempted to do this although there are a couple lingering people that I have been to to make contact with. (Note: if this is you, please use the ‘contact me’ button above, please). Anyhoo, to make a long story short, I had a handful of orders that had already been started and I agreed to complete them. That is where I am at right now and every free minute of sewing is going towards fulfilling those orders. I am planning to be completely done by the first of the year (2008 lol) and I am fortunately on track for meeting that goal. After that, I am looking forward to spending some time working on some new maternal designs I have sketched out, as well as some new products to embellish them on.

So, you are hearing it here first. I am planning to have my first official “Comeback Stocking” on February 22, 2008. This will mark the two year anniversary of when I had my first stocking…the one that oversold one dozen bags three time each (you do the math). If you have been waiting patiently for me to stock again, you will finally get that wish. I can’t tell you what I am stocking…not so much because of it being a surprise but more because I am going to creatively follow my heart. I also am planning to stock with Necessitae on a regular basis starting in February. I enjoy working with those ladies very much! Oh! And Random Eclipse will be stocking again in February as well! <wink>